Ok, he didn’t actually eat the class pet, more like just bit off its nose…
And it wasn’t really a class pet in the “OMG! CarrieLouWho’s child ate a living, breathing animal!” sense…
But it was still something that Twin A will need to explain to the class.
The kids in the class each get a day to take home the class pet, play with it, and then using the first person, write in the class pet book what the pet did that night. Twin B got to take him home first, where the pet was held, carried, and treated more delicately and gently than I did with them as babies.
The next day Twin A got to take him home.
What happened next, I take almost all the blame.
You see, 4 year olds can take things literally. Because they are 4.
I, jokingly, said we were going to cut up the class pet and make burgers out of it. I said it would taste delicious. I laughed and giggled, and told them what kind of condiments I would put on it and everything.
I did this. Me.
Next thing I know, Twin A comes running to me telling me that he ate part of the pet. He showed me where he brutally and gleefully gnawed on it, and like Hannibal Lecter, spit out the flap of meat onto the counter.
I was horrified! How was I going to explain this to the teacher?? To his classmates?? Having been a teacher prior to the twins, I shook my head and sadly said: “Oh, man, you’re going to spend so many days in the principal’s office.”
I took the pet away, and my son, the one who JUST ATE PART OF THE PET, called ME a “jerk”! He said I was mean, and he didn’t like me anymore, and I was a “jerky buttfaced poo-poo head”… it was pretty funny, I admit.
I told the teacher this morning, who giggled, and assured me she had a bunch of pets, and the kids would never know…yeah, except I wrote about the whole thing in the Pet Diary!
It went something like this:
“At Twin A’s house I got to play outside, go down the slide, and had fun. Then Twin A’s mom said I would taste good on a bun with mustard and Twin A took her seriously. It hurt a little when he bit off a chunk of my nose, but his mom promised she would pay for my surgery.”
I took a picture for posterity, and also for high school graduation purposes, you can see the top of the nose floating in there all lonely and sad: