My husband and I like to watch a lot of horror and suspense movies.  Lots and lots of them.  I am more of a supernatural/alien/creepy movie lover, and while he likes those, he also likes the Saw/Hostel/Kill for No Good Reason movies.  I get the heebs when I watch movies that can actually happen.  I mean, Texas Chainsaw Massacre was a documentary, right?

Our first date was spent watching some B movies. I thought it was a date thing, but as I got to know him, I found that he likes movies. He likes them so much he subscribes to Blockbuster online.  He signs up for movies I had never even heard of, like: “Reeker” about a stinky murderous creature and “One Eyed Monster” a legitimate R rated movie starring Ron Jeremy about, well, just look it up, and it was actually funny.  I remember tentatively asking him: “Honey, do you ever watch movies that didn’t go directly to DVD?”

I admit, though, I got into it. He is so much fun.  How can you not love a guy who has a movie called “Buttcrack” in his repertoire? Some of the movies, even though they are B, C, D, and possibly, F movies, are so gross, I got nauseous watching a few.  Although he didn’t like it when I started looking up movies online to see what they were about first, I had to know what I was in for, and if I read something that was too disgusting, it got vetoed and he had to watch it when I wasn’t around.

We have two specific movies that are our “bar setters”.  They are so bad they were entertaining. After we watch a movie we can grade it by saying: “Well, it was better than Zombie Strippers!”  or perhaps it might receive a:” That was worse than Trailer Park of Terror!”

Sometimes we find some gems in those B, C, and D movies, but it’s pretty rare.  When we see people who used to be famous like C. Thomas Howell, Corbin Bernsen, Dean Cain, and pretty much anything with Ron Perlman in it (except for Hellboy movies) we know they are going to be doozies.

And don’t even get me started on SyFy movies.  The graphics and CGI on those are so bad, I’m pretty sure my 2 year olds are on staff.  We watched “Megashark vs. Crocosaurus” not too long ago, and the editing was so bad, that at one point four characters were on a boat in one scene, then were instantly on a beach being eaten in the next.  The best part about that movie was Urkel was in it, all buff, and my husband kept saying “did I do that?” throughout the movie.

We watched “Open Water” about two years ago, and that movie creeped me out. Nothing like watching a two-hour long death scene about to happen. “Open Water 2: Adrift” was on IFC a week ago, so we decided to watch it. Now I have a strict rule about not watching anything that hasn’t been DVR’d, because I have no patience for sitting through commercials, but we didn’t have anything to do that day.  We had paused it a bunch of times, so it took about 5 hours to watch it, and it wasn’t bad, but the ending was a “Whaaaaa?” moment.  I HATE ambiguous endings on C and D movies…you are not allowed to do that. You cannot take me through a “based on real events” movie only to give me a “um, were they dead? was she a ghost? what just happened?” at the end.  That makes me HULK ANGRY.

Since we’ve had the twins, there have been a lot of movies we pop in at 9:30 and we (and by we, I mean me) are snoring by 10:00.  I can’t tell you how many halfway watched movies we have.  If they don’t hold our interest we don’t even bother.  That must be why I only made it through about 20 minutes of “Gone in 60 Seconds” last night before I was allegedly doing the jelly neck roll on the couch.  I told my darling that I was just doing my neck exercises with my eyes closed, but something tells me he didn’t believe me.

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