and quite possibly yours, too.

I would make a terrible spy.  There I am, handcuffed to the chair. The Snidely Whiplash looking bad guy circling me like a vulture in the dark lit, foul-smelling room.

“Tell me what I want to know!” he screams.

“Never!” I bravely yell. “You’ll get nothing from me, you’re going to have to kill me!”

He grins, evilly, he was hoping I’d say that.  He brings over a bag of tools. Pulls out the wire cutters.  Walks slowly over to me, “Did you, CarrieLouWho, ever think you had too many fingers?”  Click, click goes the cutters towards my hands.

“Okay, okay, I’ll talk! I’ll talk!”

Evil Guy stands up, disappointed. Turns his back to me, walks out slowly, kicks an empty pop can, looks over his shoulder, “Sissy!”

I’m not even kidding, someone wants to cut off my finger? They can have all the info they want.  They could also just keep me awake for a few days. That would really do the trick, and they would be able to sleep at night knowing they didn’t have to resort to violence, bloodshed, and just sheer ewwwww to get me to give up whatever it is they want to know.

In the past few months I haven’t had very many full nights of sleep.  Not surprising, I’m writing this at 3:56 am after waking up with an “Alien” chest inspiring cough.  If I’m not careful, Sigourney Weaver is going to bust through my door with a flame thrower to put me out of my misery.  I should probably go to the doctor to make sure it’s not emphysema, or lung cancer, or the beginning of the zombie apocalypse, but in the meantime, Honey Lemon Halls and I are friends.

I do think the lack of sleep is taking its toll.  I’m a bit more stabby and cranky than usual.  My husband always wants me to sleep in on weekdays to make up for it, instead of getting up with him, but he doesn’t understand how much I need that quiet time to myself.  That 45 minutes before the kids wake up is like liquid gold, I don’t want to squander it on sleeping.  He’s lucky though, he doesn’t have my problem, and right now he’s sleeping peacefully, albeit a bit loudly.

So people if you have secrets and want to share them with me, just know that if someone kidnaps me for those secrets, I’m singing like a bird, and all they have to do is keep me awake for about 24 hours.

Advertisements