My husband and I have a 90 gallon freshwater aquarium in our bedroom and it is way cool.  We don’t have all the fish in it that we want yet because we’re waiting to see if we kill off the six danios, a.k.a: “The Expendables”, first.  It has become a major point of interest in our home and one of the first things my proud husband likes to show people.

This is my husband’s hobby that I, by extension, am now enjoying.  I have personally laid to rest many fish in my lifetime, and have noticed when I’m in a pet store looking at fish, they start whispering to each other and refuse to make eye contact with me, so I guess I must have a reputation within the community.  I’m trying to make up for years of 1st degree murder by being a good owner and taking care of the fish or “sishies” as our two-year olds call them.  I have a testing kit (in a Star Wars lunch box, no less) to check all the levels my husband needs to know, and I have my little Excel spreadsheet and every day I do my duty.

So far so good, now time for an algae eater.  My husband likes to be all fancy and call it by its actual name:  hippocampus, hypotheses, hyperbole, oh yes, it’s Hypostomus Plecostomus!  I was close.  We bought little Hypo on a Friday and we watched him move around that day, Saturday, Sunday morning, then he disappeared. While it’s easy to hide in all the rocks,  it’s going on two weeks now since we’ve seen him. We’re positive it’s been chow for The Expendables for a good week now.

Or was it?  One thing my husband said to me when we first put the tank up was that if we don’t close the cover, sometimes the fish will jump out and you never know where you will find one.  Um, ewwwww.  That must have been stuck in my mind last night, because I had another of my doozy CarrieLouWho dreams and was talking all night.

I had dreams that I was finding that algae eater everywhere!  I found it in my purse while looking for my keys.  I found it staring at me in the shower.  I saw it out in a horse stable and some little kid was riding on it.  It was in a cake I was baking.  I slid on it, like a banana peel out the front door and broke 200 bones.  All night, that’s all I was dreaming about.

The worst dream I had was that I woke up and it was sucking on my big toe.  I looked down and it was looking at me while sucking on my big toe.  I tried to get it off, but it stretched and stretched to about five feet long, then I woke up. I’m shuddering now thinking about it.  I must have been tossing and turning all night because my hair could have rivaled Carrot Top’s when I woke up.

So while I know logically (and I don’t usually think logically) that if it had jumped out it would most likely not have a toe fetish and be dead, I’m still watching where I step for another day or two.  I’m just now worried that my husband is going to read this and decide to do something to freak me out.  I just know I’m going to wake up tomorrow with something squishy on my toe.

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