My twins are 3 and some change now. This means double the fights, double the time outs, and double the questions. I like to answer their questions honestly, and am proud that they can say things like “centrifugal force”, “candy crush”, and “Valium”.

My 16-year-old gets annoyed with the sheer volume of the same questions over and over. He cannot wrap his mind around the fact that he was like this at this age, too. A typical conversation goes like this:

Twin: What’s the truck doing?

Teen: It’s driving.

Twin: Where’s it going?

Teen: Uh, I don’t know, to work.

Twin: Good job, Teen! What’s the truck doing?

Teen: I already told you it’s driving.

Twin: Yes, and it goes to work.

Teen: Yes, it’s driving and going to work.

Twin: Teen?

Teen: (sigh) yes?

Twin: What’s the truck doing?

Teen: ARGH, it’s going to the pits of hell and dragging back demon trucks to kill us all!

Twin: Oh. Where’s it going?

Teen’s head explodes.

The kids asked recently what the big, green can was outside, and I told them it was for the garbage truck. I said in the middle of the night when we’re asleep, the garbage man comes to take our garbage away.  Twin A, who is obsessed with Christmas, asked if the garbage man would leave presents like Santa. I said no, he takes our old stuff instead. Twin B started crying.

Me: What’s wrong, sweetie?

Twin: Gabbage man gonna git me!

Me: No, no! Just the garbage, honey, the truck doesn’t want to take little boys.

Twin: It’s gonna eat me!

Me: No, sweetie, nothing’s going to eat you, I promise! There’s nothing that eats little kids!

Teen pops around the corner…”Except sharks, and whales, and demon trucks!”

Twin B: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (cries)

I shake my head and sigh. Twin A runs out of the room, comes back with 2 boxes.

Twin: Here Mommy, I got you medicine and sumpin’ else.

Me: Thanks, sweetie, Immodium and a SpongeBob Bandaid should do it.

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