Ok, I’m from Ohio, so I can get away with some of the things I’m going to reveal about Ohioans.

We are skeered of snow. There, I said it.

So maybe not ALL Ohioans are afraid of the snow, (after all doing donuts and making snowmen are fun) but it certainly seems that way when the wet, white fluffies start coming down.

“What is this magical white, wet stuff that falls from the sky like manna?”

“I don’t know, but I think it’s EVIL!”

“RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

Same thing with rain, too.

I have lived in Ohio all my life, and it’s always the same. It snows or rains heavily and it’s like we have no idea what to do with ourselves. Granted, this year has seen a lot of snow, and I’m afraid Teen Who is going to have a summer break of exactly 1.5 days for all the school that has been cancelled, but it’s OHIO. WE HAVE SNOW!

Sometimes we have snow all WINTER!

I KNOW!

Now, the irony is how we make fun of the southerners whose towns shut down for .08 inches of snow.  We snort, roll our eyes, and marvel at how people could be so afraid of white water. We brag about walking 20 miles uphill (one way, of course) in the snow naked and yodeling because we are so used to it.

We are lying to you.

There is no naked yodeling. At least not out in the open. (It’s actually very freeing…so I’ve heard, uh…from a friend).

Now, maybe I’m just jaded because I have the most amazing studded snow tires that ever was. Mr. Who totally hooked me up, and I am the Snow Amazon Queen. Fear me, worship me, bow down if you will, but I’m going wherever I want with these babies.

Just this morning as I’m taking Twin Whos to preschool, I am barreling down my 2 foot of snow-covered street like the Mad Max that I am. A poor schmuck in a Hummer was stuck in the intersection I needed to get to, so I put my minivan in reverse, backed into a driveway, and barreled my way down the opposite direction. WINNING!

I told Mr. Who I was going to start a charity called “Stud Masters” where I will go house to house and personally Bedazzle everyone’s tires so they, too, can be royalty on the roads. The roads won’t seem as scary when you’re driving on shark teeth.

But I digress.

My fellow Ohioans, be nice to our southern friends who don’t have the luxury of seeing snow all the time like we do.  They aren’t prepared for such weather.  I liken it to the rare weather phenomenon of Skittles falling from the sky. We wouldn’t know what to do with those, either.

Although, I would totally volunteer myself to collect all the pink ones.

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