So, there I was, snuggled under the covers, in my usual left-side-fetal-position, head resting delicately on my silken pillow, hands pressed together under my left cheek, lips parted slightly…I was the epitome of Sleeping Beauty.

Eh, who am I kidding? I was tangled up in the sheets (of which I had hogged and with them somehow only covering my left arm and right leg), spread-eagle face up, head between two pillows, mouth opened wide, and with drool…lots of drool. Like more drool than the Who Twins combined in their first year.

I woke up to a strange sound – probably my gasping snores from apparently trying to suffocate myself in the pillow sandwich – and in my half alerted state became fearful.

You see, my left leg was hanging off the bed.  Panicking, I slowly, painstakingly, and deliberately moved my left leg back on the bed.

Because we all know that the thing under the bed cannot grab you if your leg is on the bed.

These are the rules.

Now that my limb was safe from the “under the bed monster”, I looked up and what I saw scared the BeJesus out of me…and we all know how hard it is for the BeJesus to come out. My ceiling fan shadow, in the glow of the baby monitor, took on the shape of a ginormous tarantula/Mothra hybrid and was directly over top of me.

(And, no, I didn’t eat Ben & Jerry’s last night)

When I realized what the shadow was I smiled in relief, but it was brief, as the fish took yet ANOTHER opportunity to have a fish fight and the sloshing of water made my stomach feel like I was going down the world’s fastest rollercoaster with no seatbelts.

This is not my night, because then I notice a strange shadow in the hallway. It moved slightly back and forth. In my astigmatismic haze I could not make out the shape, but it seemed to have noticed me.

I did what any self preservationist would do, and slowly covered my face with the sheet. Because if you can’t see IT, then IT can’t see you.

These are the rules.

(It wasn’t until morning did I remember that I put an oscillating fan in the hallway. A big, scary CarrieLouWho eating monster fan.)

But still, because of the rules I was still safe from anything that might have thought I tasted like chicken.

CarrieLouWho – protein choice of monsters everywhere!

 

 

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